I'm baaacckkk!

I have been trying to get back to the blogosphere for some time now.  Life has been so crazy busy and certainly gotten the best of me lately, especially in these last couple of months!  I feel embarrassed that it's been a solid year since I posted last!  So, I will do a little catching up on the fam for you :)

Scott--He's been back in the autism classroom this year, and while it is not easy by any means, he feels at home there.  He is so incredibly gifted to work with those with special needs.  I see the Lord so clearly working through him as he loves, cares, and advocates.  He has been coaching Shepard and Davis in baseball this year.  He's an amazing daddy and husband. It's really been so fun!  Not easy, mind you, especially not on the mama, but I wouldn't trade these memories for anything :)

Paige--You guys.  She is almost finished with 5th grade!  Like, elementary school is done. * Lets all take a moment while I recompose myself over this life event.*  She is just so precious.  She has grown so much this year, not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well.  She is entering the tween era, where she is still a sweet, simple little girl, but is curious and readying for what lies ahead.  She is gonna homeschool next year for middle school.  We have prayed over this decision for many years and the Lord has been clear.  We have had excellent teachers and been part of an excellent school these elementary years.  Her teachers have been phenomenal!    Middle school is just different.  Such formative years.  The middle school teachers are still equally great.  In fact, it's a down right calling to be a middle school teacher!  But, through the Lord's leading, we will attempt 6th grade at home.  I'm gonna take it year by year and evaluate.  Hopefully I won't mess her up too bad!!  You can pray :)

Annalee--Annalee has rocked the 3rd grade like no other.  She is so spunky and fun!  Not much gets her down.  She's very easy to parent for the most part.  When she has to be corrected, she never argues!  What!?  She just says "yes, ma'am" and lets it roll right off her.  But, because she's so easy, it's easy to skip over her.  I hate that I do that to her :(  She has the middle child role.  I have to try to consciously make a good effort to affirm and spend special time with her.  With five kids, that doesn't happen nearly enough!  But she is gracious and kind, and still always has a skip in her step :)  The Lord teaches me through parenting her, that he sees me.  Even when I feel looked over in life sometimes, He sees me.  I am thankful for those lessons through our children!

Davis--Davis is finishing up 1st grade!  He is reading so well, and when he takes his time, he has better handwriting than I do!  He has matured so much this year.  Really growing into himself.  He played soccer this Fall and had a blast and is currently finishing up his first Rookie season, where they hit off the pitching machine.  He started not being able to make contact with the ball at all.  And progressively through the season, he has gotten better and better.  It's been amazing to watch!  He even got an in the park home run last Saturday!!!  I have been 'that mom'.  I'm talking jumping up and down cheering like a mad fool…on more than one occasion.  He'll be embarrassed by me one day, but for now he just gives his shy grin, and I want to just pinch him!

Shepard--Oh Sheppy.  That brother, as most of you know, has broken the mold.  He is hilarious, smart, creative, and can be oh so stubborn.  We have had to learn some new parenting moves on that brother :)  But, I really do enjoy him being home with me.  He's gonna go to school next year two days a week; and it will be good for him, but I will certainly miss all his crazy antics.  He is all boy on so many levels.  I love him so.  He stretches me more than the others typically.  Most days I hate that.  But, on days that I can reflect, the Lord is sweet to remind me that I am a work in progress as well, and sometimes, I act like a stubborn toddler myself!

Judah--Judah baby, just celebrated his first birthday.  How in the world?  He is so snuggly and fun.  He is saying and repeating lots of words like mama, dada, bye bye, go, ball,…etc.  He started walking not long after his birthday and he is just.so.cute.  With Shep as his older brother, he is already learning to defend himself ;)  I hold him more.  I give into him more.  I kiss his yummy little cheeks constantly.  I want him to stay little!!  He's a fun addition, and he reminds me almost daily of my mama, and I love that the Lord did that.

Me--I'm tired these days.  It's that season where everything is busy as we wrap up the end of the year, and with working some evenings at the hospital on top of that, and baseball, and bible study meetings, and all that the Lord has marked out for me right now, I literally fall into bed exhausted!  It's a good tired I guess.  But sometimes I just get so caught up in wanting to complain about it, that I miss the fact that the Lord is in the midst of it all.  I want my heart to be more accepting in allowing the Lord to pour me out each day as He chooses.  I fail. A lot.  At parenting, being a good wife, a good friend, a good leader.  And when I'm certain that I'm at the end of myself, I sleep, and wake up to new mercies everyday, just like He promised.
 I still miss my mama.  This second year so far, has almost felt harder.  A different kind of hard maybe.  There's just more permanence. It's lonely.  I still find myself randomly wanting to call her.  I thought that knee-jerk reaction would've gone away by this point.  I grieve her especially as we approach Mother's Day.  It is a really joyous and honoring time, but it makes me sad too, because I just can't make it feel right without her.  She has left a beautiful legacy, and I'm so grateful for that.  By the grace of God, I hope to be even half the woman she was :)

Never the same again

This year as I celebrate my birthday it doesn't have the feel like it has in the past.  If you know me at all you know birthdays are my thing.  But, I know that the reason behind this is that tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of Mimi (Annie's mom) going to spend eternity with Jesus.  But the reality of those of us who are still here is simple, you are never the same again.

It's not always tough, but its always different.  Family events, holidays, simple special occasions like grandparents day or the first soccer game.  All of these events that are and were one time joyful, have a glimmer of grief around every corner.  The "I wonder what she'd think" or the "she would have loved this!" never goes away and I think it never will.  No you are never the same again.  

The hardest part for me has been watching the person I love the most suffer.  She's quiet and gentle and always caring for others, but her hurt runs so deep and her ache is more than I can imagine, understand, or bear.  Most of the time, I am the jerk of a husband who just wants her to "feel better."  But the reality is that nothing I do, or say can ever accomplish that.  I catch her faces as she reads a text from her sister or hear her voice change when her and her dad are not he phone and Mimi is the topic of conversation.  My bride grieves deep for her amazing mother, and nothing I can do will ever change that, or should it.  No, she also is never going to be the same again.

The second most difficult struggle is for my children.  They loved their Mimi more than anything and longed to be with her all the time.  She could convince them (and us) to drive over for a brief visits just so she could squeeze their faces, be excited about their triumphs, and tell them over and over that they were, "The cutest and the smartest."  Its hard watching Paige talk about her as what she did for each of them and to hear Annalee say ho much she misses her as she breaks into tears at the most random times.  When Davis talks about going to just Papa's house since Mimi is in heaven and to see Shepard still expect her to come out of her room at times and even this past month ask about her.  But what I think is hardest on me most is holding our sweet baby Judah and know that she will always be a story to her.  Mimi loved a baby better than most and was always willing to starve herself at any holiday so she could hold them while you ate and you better not argue cause she'd always win, call you son, and then tell you it was going to be her way anyway.  I learned to relent after losing a lot with our first two children, but I do miss those arguments.  They were always in fun, but we loved messing with each other.  And they all miss her.  More than I can imagine.  And They will never be the same.

Third, I hurt for our sweet Papa.  I have never grown to love someone as much as I have for him.  His gentle kindness and playful spirit with all of my family is clearly marked with such sorrow of hurt.  We've cried on my front porch, on the phone, and I have grown to say I'd lay down my life for that man.  He has loved me with respect and been willing to listen and not always agree.  He has my best interest in mind even if it hurts, but I know more than anything.  He will never be the same.

I know Christi and Jeff, Dana and Scott, Hayden and Larson, Dane and Jill, Aunt Jan and Uncle Billy, Kelly, Sam and Hannah, Kyle, and Ethan as well all feel the lose in such  great way and that this week and even past month has been a slow reminder of last year and  am sure that each of them will also never be the same.

But if that was the end of the story, then I think this world would have no point.  If that was the end of the story, then who would want to go one after that.  But the reality is that out of everyone the person who will never be the same again is simple

Mimi!

Mimi will never be the same again.  No cancer, no pain, no loss, no hurt, no tears, and more than all of that combined, she has the joy of sitting with Jesus.  We can think that she missed us, but she has her savior.  We can wonder if she can see whats going on, but we know that she is in the arms of the one who is above all things, hold all things together, and is the one who created all things.  There is no darkness for her as Jesus is her constant light.  There is no sadness in her at all, because the joy of the Father is constant in her thoughts.  Sickness.  GONE!  And as much as we miss her and remember how that woman came to a little league tee ball game and sat on a pillow in lawn chair in major pain to watch her sweet Davis take his turn at bat, we would never want to see her suffer like she did that last year.  So my prayer for my wife, my children, my Papa, and the rest of our family today is that though the pain may never truly subside, our Joy in Christ can come in the truth.  Mimi will never be the same again!

And like everyone else, I still miss her as well.  She made my life so much better and probably was my biggest cheerleader in all that I strived to do.  I wish I could tell her what has happened and what the Lord was doing but I know that like everyone else, because of her life and who she was, I too will never be the same again.  And for that I am truly grateful.  She was a difference maker in so many peoples live and helped make me see my potential.

I miss you singing to me today more than you can imagine!

Judah Asher Parks is finally here!  He was born on April 7, 2014 at 4:10 pm and weighed 6 lbs 12 oz.  We were all instantly in love.  Well, except Shepard :)  He had some warming up to do ;)  Shep is a great big brother, just a little rough around the edges if you know what I mean!  Judah has been oh so sweet.  I hold him. A lot.  He has been exactly what the Lord intended him to be so far.  A welcomed joy that is filled with hope.  He is special.

The joy of his birth comes mixed with emotions of grief as well.  I miss my mom.  Its been almost 6 months since she passed.  6 months without my mom.  I want it to be easier.  Sometimes it is.  Other times it's just not.  I could not imagine her not being here for the birth of this precious boy, and even the day of delivery, with all the family and friends that surrounded us, it felt like there was a gaping hole in the room where she should've been.  It was all so very bittersweet.

Mother's Day is this weekend.  I find myself wanting to skip it altogether. This particular holiday is harder than others because it was a day marked out to honor her!   I don't want life to keep moving on without her.  I have voicemails on my phone that I listen to, just to hear her voice.  I let Judah listen too, so he can know what she sounded like.    I just can't believe this is reality sometimes!

So, in light of remembering her on this upcoming Mother's Day, I wanted to jot down a few things, out of pages that I could fill,  that made her so special:

-She loved the Lord.
-She was a faithful wife.
-She worked so hard.
-She loved fiercely.
-She chose to see the best in people.
-She sacrificed herself for the good of others.  ALOT.
-She was tough.
-She was a fighter.
-She was a loyal friend to many.
-She was a servant.
-She was so hospitable.
-She was forgiving.
-She was strong.
-She was thoughtful.
-She was the BEST Mimi.
-She was my mama.

Missing her...

For several weeks now, I have felt the Lord urging me to blog about my mom.  There are so many thoughts and emotions, I have trouble making sense of it all.  As a whole, I don't write too many things down.  I've always wanted to be an avid journaler, putting on paper my deepest thoughts and feelings.  But….nope.  I tend to just keep that at arm's length ;)  When it comes to my mama though, something certainly just needs to be written.

On November 13, 2013, just 10 days from my previous blog post, I got a call from my middle sister that mama was having some trouble breathing.  An ambulance was called and I met them at the hospital.  She was doing better when I got there after a little oxygen and some fluids.  They were just gonna keep her overnight and the plan was to send her home the following morning on some oxygen.  I stayed with her until about 1 am, and she had been sleeping soundly.  She had been doing well and was adamant that she was fine and I needed to go home and rest.  My sister was coming back in a couple hours and the nurse said she would be right outside the room, so I went home.  As soon as I walked in the door I got a phone call to come back up to the hospital quickly, because she was having trouble breathing again.  When, I got back to the hospital, she had been sedated.  She never really woke up again after that.  We spent the next 7-8 hours holding her hands, kissing her face, and telling her just how loved she was.  Around 10 a.m. on November 14, 2013, while we surrounded her bedside, she took her last breath here on earth, and her faith became sight.  She was finally Home.

That day.  I thought I would be more ready, but the truth is, I don't think I would've ever been ready.  She could've lived to be 120 years old, and I still don't think I would've been ready.  I miss her.  She is my mom!  I had not lived a day on this earth without her!  I didn't get to tell her we were gonna have a baby boy and that his name is Judah!  She won't be here to hold him and kiss and snug him up the way Mimi always did.  Sometimes my chest physically hurts because I miss her so bad.

I find myself picking up my phone, on a daily basis, to call her.  Most of the time I don't even have anything important to tell her.  I just want to check in, or tell her something funny one of the kids did, or tell her Shepard had a fever, or Paige has a choir performance, or Annalee said something hilarious, or Davis wants to show her how good he's reading!   She always wanted to know about the little details of life.  She worried with me like only a mother does.  She would call several times a day if I had a sick child.  She worried about me especially when I was pregnant and wanted to make sure I was taken care of.  Oh, if I could just talk to her.

We made it through Thanksgiving and Christmas, but it was really hard.  So many things remind me of her.  She was always the life of the party!  She loved to host us and wanted to be right in the middle of all the action.  There was an obvious missing link.  Scott and I and the kids spent the night with daddy at his house and had Christmas morning there.  It was great to be able to share that time with him.  The kids thought it was the absolute best.  She would've loved that.  

This grief is deep.  I don't know what to do with it much of the time.  It seemingly comes out of nowhere sometimes, and just washes right over me uncontrollably.  The Lord has been near to me.  I am able to grieve with hope, knowing that her salvation and mine, will reunite us with the Father for an eternity.  He has held me up with His righteous right hand, and I can honestly say, that apart from Him I would literally be in pieces.  I am thankful that she is made whole.  I am grateful that she is free from pain and will never suffer again.  She wins!  She left a beautiful legacy.    I just desperately miss her on this side.  

Hearing Him

This summer I walked through a bible study that challenged me to partially fast from different areas in life (i.e. food, media, possessions, etc.).  Subsequently, when I spent less time focused on some of these areas, the Lord's still small voice was suddenly a giant roar!  He met me, right where I was.  It was so very personal.  So refreshing.  It was such a gift.  I needed Him desperately.  In the midst of this intimate time with Him, He revealed something I was not quite ready for...

I had been spending time studying some different verses on obedience and at that time was fasting from some of my possessions and purging.  During my time with Him that week, I felt the Lord urging me to consider having another baby.  My first reaction..."No."  Lord do you realize how many kids we have? That is just plain crazy.  I can't.  I cannot.  So, each day, He laid it before me again.  He gave me more as time went on.  But it wasn't necessarily what I wanted to hear.  My mom was sick, but at that point in time, was still managing ok and we were still on track to travel back and forth to MD Anderson.  However, I knew she would likely not meet a new baby. I just could not even go there.

The Lord was clear that this baby was to be a sign of hope and healing.  He was clear about the fact that He wanted me to obey.  I just could not do it.  After weeks of battling back and forth with Him, I told Scott what was going on and asked him to pray as well.  At this point, I was still taking my pill re.lig.ous.ly.  (Like I have control ;) )  I was begging the Lord, that if I was hearing Him, to please give me a clear sign.  Like, write it in the flippin' sky kind of sign!  And simultaneously asking Him to give me clarity if I was somehow not hearing His voice.  To make me aware that I am wrong, and I was gonna be A-ok with that!

About a week later, I woke up in the middle of the night, and it was as if the Lord was sitting in the room with me saying. "Annie, why are you choosing not to obey?  I don't need you, but I am giving you the opportunity to surrender and obey and be a part of this miracle.  Why are you choosing not to obey?"  Uhhhhh....I was a little dumbfounded, but still unwilling to trust Him.  I told Scott the next evening about what happened and he said that he thought I should stop taking my pill out of obedience.  So I didn't take it.  Well, that night I woke up in a blind panic about what I was gonna do if my mom got sicker?  How was I gonna travel back and forth to MD Anderson on bed rest?  What would I do if she needed me to take care of her and I couldn't???  So I decided I would take the pill I missed first thing in the mooring, catch up that night and that would be that.

Fastforward to the next morning.  I get up pop the pill out of the package, it shoots up into the air and then goes straight.down.the.drain.  It didn't even bounce. Never hit the side.   Straight down.  Gone.  Sigh.  Ok, Lord.  I see the sign. Ok.

So, about two weeks later, a positive pregnancy test it was!  Unreal.  This is really happening.  We are gonna have 5 kids.  5!  We have officially stepped over the line right into crazy, and are trusting the Lord with every breath.  I am currently 14 weeks along and am due May 2, 2014.  The Lord has given us specific first names which is Hope for a girl and Judah for a boy, meaning faith.  We find out the gender in about 2 weeks and are looking forward to it!  So, please be in prayer as we continue on our journey!
 

The Road

Those eyes.  They melt my heart.  I was thinking about eyes today as I was sitting in a waiting room with some time to reflect as we waited.  Eyes are described as the windows to the soul.  I wonder what people see as they look into my eyes?

The Lord has decided that my mom has cancer.  We found out about a month ago, that she had a colorectal mass that was an adenocarcinoma.  The course of treatment at that point was to send her to MD Anderson (MDA) in Houston.  It was at least stage 3 at that point because there were no other scans done to know if it was elsewhere.  It was communicated that they thought they could get us out there the following week so they didn't want to do any more testing because they would just do them all at MDA.  Well, one week went by, then two, then almost three!  We finally got an appointment for April 1 and were glad but over-anxious because several weeks had passed already. So we had a plan.

The Lord likes to wreck my life from time to time to remind me He is in control.  So, on Sunday, eight days before leaving for Houston, my sister calls concerned, telling me that momma is having some strange neurological symptoms.  I knew, as I stood in the kitchen, preparing dinner for my family, that it was in her brain.  I wept.  I tried to grasp at other ideas of what else it could be, but in the depth of my heart, I knew.

The following day we went to the hospital for lots of scans and tests, only to find out that it was definitely in her brain, as well as her lungs and liver.  Wow.  Numbness.  Ears ringing.  Mind swimming.  I was overwhelmed.

We talked to several different doctors and pleaded with the Lord about what His plan was going to be.  Ultimately, the plan was to go to MDA on April 3 to see what they could do.  They think they can do surgery to remove the tumor in her brain and as for the rest of the treatment we will find out soon.

So, here we are.  I am sitting in one of the billion waiting rooms at MDA still trying to wrap my head around the fact that this is real.  The Lord has been very near.  He has provided abundantly in so many ways so far!  For me personally, I am having to leave my 4 sweet children and my precious hubby!  That is hard.  I am OCD.  I don't like having to ask others for help.  I feel like a burden.  I don't know how long this will be.  How long I will need other's help!  God has provided such selfless, sweet friends though.  They have literally just taken over, loved my kids, picked them up, dropped them off, brought dinner, and I could go on and on!  I honestly do not deserve to be loved that well.  It is a gift from the Lord.

My husband is having to play Mr. Mom, and bless his soul he is doing it so well :) I don't like being away from them, and thank the Lord for FaceTime so I can at least see everyone's face.  They are an extension of me, and while I would not be anywhere else than at my mom's side, I do not feel whole apart from them.  I struggle with missing them.

So, as I take time waiting, hoping, praying, and dreaming, I am asking the Lord to show me the places in my soul that I long for Him!  I want the windows to my soul to be clear with Christ!  He is here.  I am thankful.  "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still."  So, I'm trying to be still.  I'm waiting and hoping in the Lord, and whatever his plan may be.  Please pray with me friends.

Music To My Ears

I love music!  I always have.  I know the words to most songs, however I could not tell you title and artist!  I am terrible at that! I have been without music for a while though.

 While we love our van, something went wrong a while back and the radio, cd player, dvd player, etc... all stopped working!  Something electrical.  To fix everything, we would have to replace the whole console.  So, that seems simple enough.  We look into it, and it costs about $4000 to replace said console.  Ummmm.....no.way.  We are planning on driving the van until it dies and since it is paid for, we are hoping that is a LONG time!  In light of no music in the vehicle that I feel like I spend 75% of my day in, I have missed it!

Well, for Christmas, my hubby got me an iPhone!  I know!  What a gift, right?  Other than the fact that I am an iphone dummy, I really do love it!  Well, I loaded the Pandora app and it.is.fabulous.  So I type in an artist that I like and it develops a whole station of songs to circulate that are either that particular artist or others like them.  Now, I can turn on pandora, anywhere I am and listen to music anytime!  It makes my heart smile :)

And now that I have re-read my post, it makes me sound like I live in the dark ages!  Well, minus the new iPhone!

   

Happy New Year!  I figured it would be a good thing for me to actually add a picture of Shepard to the blog to prove his existence!  Seeing as how a year ago, I had REALLY good intentions to put some pics up ;)  So, here he is, a year later!  I could seriously just eat him up!!!  He has been an absolute joy!

I cannot believe that it has been a year since I blogged last!  What has happened to me??  I really love it, but I have to make it a habit, or I just cannot get around to it.  So, this year, hopefully, will be a more productive blogging time for me!  Hopefully.

So, let's catch up a little.  I am enjoying being a mommy of 4.  I am perfectly content with the number of children we have, but I don't know if I will ever be that person who can insistently say "I'm done".  I love a newborn baby.  We are not seeking to have any more, but I think the Lord just gave me a heart for babies :)  

Paige

She is in the 3rd grade now and doing very well in school.  She is my rule follower :)  She is a servant and a helper.  She became a believer about 3 years ago, and it has been so sweet to watch the Lord grow her up in Him.  We started a mother/daughter daily devotional, and it has been the sweetest most satisfying time together.  I love the questions she asks, and alot of times she challenges me more than I expect!  She is a fabulous big sister and being the oldest suits her motherly instincts :)

Annalee

She is in 1st grade this year.  She loves school and is so very bright!  She soaks up information like sponge!  She loves life.  She is able to just let go of things so easily.  For example, if I correct her about something, she typically immediately responds with "yes ma'am, mommy!",  and stops what she's doing and goes on just as happily!  What?!?!  She didn't get that from me! Meanwhile, if I correct my other children over the same thing in the same manner, tears or pouting immediately ensue!  The Lord teaches me alot through this little girl :)

Davis

He started preschool two days a week in a 4k program.  He really loves it!  I had a hard time letting him go to school!  He was my baby for a while, and I felt like life was passing me by way too quickly!  Which, it is!  He loves all thing superhero right now.  He loves his daddy!  He is content playing superheroes and legos with Scott.  That is fulfilling for him :)  He still gives me kisses on command and is not embarrassed yet!  I'll milk that until the very end :)  He is a great big brother!  There has really been no big jealousy to speak of.  Aside from being a little too rough with Shepard from time to time, he LOVES that little brother!

Shepard

He is my baby, of course.  He is snuggly, and gives lots of hugs and kisses!  He is learning to walk, but crawling still seems to be a quicker mode of transportation, so he typically chooses that for the time being.  He is repeating most everything we say.  I am always amazed at how quickly their little brains develop and what he can understand and is now learning to express!!  He is also, really funny.  Not kidding.  I think he's gonna be the life of the party.  He's always doing something to purposefully make us laugh :)

Scott

He took a new position this year and is the Help Desk for the high school that he works for.  It has been  a good change-up and little break, not to mention a pay increase, which we desperately needed!  His heart is still for children with special needs, and he still works closely within the high school and sponsors a club connecting typical students with students who have special needs.  The bummer of the position is that it is a 12 month position, so he doesn't have summers off :(  I really miss that.     

Me

I am working still, sparingly, in the evenings some.  I spend a large portion of time in carpool :)  I am always a little OCD.  I like to have things as simple as possible.  I have been decluttering for forever, it feels like, to try to simplify life and keep things a little more manageable :)  I struggle with getting caught up in getting things just right, and sometimes find myself missing the really important things in life because it interrupts what I'm trying to accomplish.  I'm thankful that the Lord is faithful to draw that to my attention when I get like that, so that I can repent, and choose what's important :)  

Well, that is just a little update!  I hope that you and your families are well and I will do my best to get back into the blogoshpere!

Shep's Birth Story

So....a month and a half ago, I said I was gonna post some pics and tell you the story. Yeah. It's taken me a little while to get back around to the old blog:) But lo and behold, I am back! I will be able to post some pics in a few days, but until then, I will at least tell the story, so as not to put this off any longer!!
On Monday, November 14, the day after Scott's birthday :), I went in for my appointment and I was 5 cm dilated. He gave me the option to go home and wait it out, but that I would certainly not make it more than another day. So, the other option was to just start some pitocin and break my water and go ahead and have this baby! I wanted to try to go natural, so I ideally didn't want to do pitocin, and I thought about it for about 5 seconds....then, I remembered that I hadn't slept for about two weeks and was EXHAUSTED! I opted for going over and getting things started:)
We got over to the hospital and I got hooked up to the monitor and IV in place, and we were on our way to meeting baby Shepard in a few hours. My mom and Scott's mom were there of course:). My friend Morgan was my stand-in birthing coach in the end, for when it was time to deliver, because our awesome doctor was gonna let Scott deliver the baby again! Also, props to LaJuan and Shay for taking pics and videoing so that I have documentation of this special day.
Anyhow, back to the birth!
I was moving right along and breathing thru my contractions. Scott was a great coach, because he kept silent, and turns out, that is exactly what I needed! Someone to be silent and not touch me! The doctor broke my water when I was still about 5-6 cm. Thankfully there wasn't a drastic change in the way my labor went. My nurse was a friend of mine who I worked with, and she was great! She let me go back and forth to the bathroom when I needed to , and get up on the side of the bed so that I wasn't confined to the bed the whole labor. I was worried about how that was gonna play out, because when you are on pitocin, you have to be on the monitor the whole time. So, getting out of bed was a great relief!
Around 2:30ish, my nurse checked me and I was 8cm. She walked out of the room and didn't even make it to the nurse's station, because with the next contraction I had to push!! She came running back in, and I was completely dilated. The next several minutes were a whirlwind. I went from making it thru and breathing thru contractions, to taking a sharp 90 degree turn of having to uncontrollably push out a baby!!!! Scott and the nurse were prepared and the doctor was literally running as he was making his way to the room. Scott was definitely able to deliver Shepard, because he came so quickly! My doctor walked in as Scott was delivering his head, and thankfully everything went smoothly and we welcomed a healthy baby boy into the world!
He weighed 6lbs 4oz and was 20 in long.
He is the most precious little angel, and it's hard to believe we ever lived without him:) He has been such a gift. We were surprised when we found out we were expecting him, but obviously the Lord knows what He's doing:) It has made me trust Him more throughout this pregnancy and birth. We are simply blessed :)

He's here:)

Shepard Jonathan Parks made his way into the world on November 14, 2011 at 3:54 pm. He weighed in at 6lbs 4 oz and was 20 in. long. He's the littlest of all of my children. We are in love with him! I will take some time in the next few days to give the birth story and upload some pics!

11/3: Baby Shepard Update

We went to the doctor again today. There was only a slight change. I am not quite 3 cm. We have another appointment for Monday morning. We have arrangements made, just in case he decides to show up this weekend, but we are hoping to at least make it until Monday!! Shep looks good and we are just waiting for the day that we are supposed to meet him!

10/31 Update on Shepard

I am 34 weeks now! I went to the doctor yesterday, and the latest news is that I have not dilated much more. Still in the arena of 2 cm. So that's good! Shep is unfortunately alot lower than he was last week:/ My doctor wanted to see me again first thing Thursday morning to see if I've progressed anymore. He's unsure if we will make it thru the week. I honestly have no idea. My goal from here, is just to try to rest as much as I can, and see how long he decides to stay put. The good news is that I can trust wholly in the fact that the Lord knows exactly what day and time our new baby boy will be born and worrying over it, will not change that! So, if we happen to have a baby before Thursday, I will certainly let you know! If not, then I will update again after my next visit:)

Baby Shepard Update

I am 33 weeks now and had an appointment with my doctor yesterday. I am 2 cm dilated now. We looked back on my history with Davis, and I am progressing about a week sooner than I did with him. If things went like last time that would put me delivering some time next week at 34-35 weeks. I am really hoping to make it at least to 35 weeks. I just feel better about that milestone. I've had my round of steroids for his lungs, so that is good news. It's so crazy for me to think that he is so close to being here! Please pray with me for the day that God has appointed for Shep to arrive. Pray that he would be healthy and strong. That, being early, he would have no breathing difficulties and would be able to come home when I go home with no health problems. I have worried more with him than any other baby. Probably because I've worked in labor and delivery for the last 5 years and have seen lots and lots of happy stories, but have also faced the reality that sometimes it doesn't turn out that way. I trust the Lord and know He is sovereign over all, so I am choosing to trust Him, even when it is very difficult to take my thoughts captive! So, please pray with us, as we await our sweet new boy's arrival! I will keep you updated:)

Daddy/Daughter

I actually stole this from a friends' blog:/ It was just way too cute though and I had to share it!

50 Rules For Dads of Daugthers
1. Love her mom. Treat her mother with respect, honor, and a big heaping spoonful of public displays of affection. When she grows up, the odds are good she’ll fall in love with and marry someone who treats her much like you treated her mother. Good or bad, that’s just the way it is. I’d prefer good.

2. Always be there. Quality time doesn’t happen without quantity time. Hang out together for no other reason than just to be in each other’s presence. Be genuinely interested in the things that interest her. She needs her dad to be involved in her life at every stage. Don’t just sit idly by while she add years to her… add life to her years.

3. Save the day. She’ll grow up looking for a hero. It might as well be you. She’ll need you to come through for her over and over again throughout her life. Rise to the occasion. Red cape and blue tights optional.

4. Savor every moment you have together. Today she’s crawling around the house in diapers, tomorrow you’re handing her the keys to the car, and before you know it, you’re walking her down the aisle. Some day soon, hanging out with her old man won’t be the bees knees anymore. Life happens pretty fast. You better cherish it while you can.

5. Pray for her. Regularly. Passionately. Continually.

6. Buy her a glove and teach her to throw a baseball. Make her proud to throw like a girl… a girl with a wicked slider.

7. She will fight with her mother. Choose sides wisely.

8. Go ahead. Buy her those pearls.

9. Of course you look silly playing peek-a-boo. You should play anyway.

10. Enjoy the wonder of bath time.

11. There will come a day when she asks for a puppy. Don’t over think it. At least one time in her life, just say, “Yes.”

12. It’s never too early to start teaching her about money. She will still probably suck you dry as a teenager… and on her wedding day.
13. Make pancakes in the shape of her age for breakfast on her birthday. In a pinch, donuts with pink sprinkles and a candle will suffice.

14. Buy her a pair of Chucks as soon as she starts walking. She won’t always want to wear matching shoes with her old man.

15. Dance with her. Start when she’s a little girl or even when she’s a baby. Don’t wait ‘til her wedding day.

16. Take her fishing. She will probably squirm more than the worm on your hook. That’s OK.

17. Learn to say no. She may pitch a fit today, but someday you’ll both be glad you stuck to your guns.

18. Tell her she’s beautiful. Say it over and over again. Someday an animated movie or “beauty” magazine will try to convince her otherwise.

19. Teach her to change a flat. A tire without air need not be a major panic inducing event in her life. She’ll still call you crying the first time it happens.

20. Take her camping. Immerse her in the great outdoors. Watch her eyes fill with wonder the first time she sees the beauty of wide open spaces. Leave the iPod at home.

21. Let her hold the wheel. She will always remember when daddy let her drive.

22. She’s as smart as any boy. Make sure she knows that.

23. When she learns to give kisses, she will want to plant them all over your face. Encourage this practice.

24. Knowing how to eat sunflower seeds correctly will not help her get into a good college. Teach her anyway.

25. Letting her ride on your shoulders is pure magic. Do it now while you have a strong back and she’s still tiny.

26. It is in her nature to make music. It’s up to you to introduce her to the joy of socks on a wooden floor.

27. If there’s a splash park near your home, take her there often. She will be drawn to the water like a duck to a puddle.

28. She will eagerly await your return home from work in the evenings. Don’t be late.

29. If her mom enrolls her in swim lessons, make sure you get in the pool too. Don’t be intimidated if there are no other dads there. It’s their loss.

30. Never miss her birthday. In ten years she won’t remember the present you gave her. She will remember if you weren’t there.

31. Teach her to roller skate. Watch her confidence soar.

32. Let her roll around in the grass. It’s good for her soul. It’s not bad for yours either.

33. Take her swimsuit shopping. Don’t be afraid to veto some of her choices, but resist the urge to buy her full-body beach pajamas.

34. Somewhere between the time she turns three and her sixth birthday, the odds are good that she will ask you to marry her. Let her down gently.

35. She’ll probably want to crawl in bed with you after a nightmare. This is a good thing.

36. Few things in life are more comforting to a crying little girl than her father’s hand. Never forget this.

37. Introduce her to the swings at your local park. She’ll squeal for you to push her higher and faster. Her definition of “higher and faster” is probably not the same as yours. Keep that in mind.

38. When she’s a bit older, your definition of higher and faster will be a lot closer to hers. When that day comes, go ahead… give it all you’ve got.

39. Holding her upside down by the legs while she giggles and screams uncontrollably is great for your biceps. WARNING: She has no concept of muscle fatigue.

40. She might ask you to buy her a pony on her birthday. Unless you live on a farm, do not buy her a pony on her birthday. It’s OK to rent one though.

41. Take it easy on the presents for her birthday and Christmas. Instead, give her the gift of experiences you can share together.

42. Let her know she can always come home. No matter what.

43. Remember, just like a butterfly, she too will spread her wings and fly some day. Enjoy her caterpillar years.

44. Write her a handwritten letter every year on her birthday. Give them to her when she goes off to college, becomes a mother herself, or when you think she needs them most.

45. Learn to trust her. Gradually give her more freedom as she gets older. She will rise to the expectations you set for her.

46. When in doubt, trust your heart. She already does.

47. When your teenage daughter is upset, learning when to engage and when to back off will add years to YOUR life. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

48. Ice cream covers over a multitude of sins. Know her favorite flavor.

49. This day is coming soon. There’s nothing you can do to be ready for it. The sooner you accept this fact, the easier it will be.

50. Today she’s walking down the driveway to get on the school bus. Tomorrow she’s going off to college. Don’t blink.

Little Known Things...

I decided to share a little known thing about our newest upcoming addition, Shepard. He is a gift. He is a miracle. And I know you're thinking, "well sure! All babies are!" That is absolutely true. But our little Shep will have a story that has a little slant to it:)
First off, this little blessing was a certain surprise! We thought we were done and were actually moving forward in life, with our three growing and changing. It was actually much easier to go places and do things. Everyone was potty trained and slept in their own bed. We didn't have to pack up a u-haul to stay overnight somewhere. You know...easier:)
Well, when I found out I was expecting #4, it took me a little while to settle into the idea. But always in the back of my mind, was the fear of miscarriage and losing this little one. It has happened a couple of times before right at the end my my first trimester, and it is so devastating! You don't realize how much you dream about that little life until it is no longer. So, I was skeptical about the same thing happening, obviously.
When I was about 10 weeks along, I borrowed a doppler from a friend, to try to find the heartbeat. That is early, and I know that a baby can be difficult to track down at that gestation, but I've been able to do it in every other pregnancy at that time, so I didn't think this time would be any different. But it was different. I couldn't find that precious heartbeat. I listened, and listened, and listened. For almost an hour, I searched. I was so heartbroken. My fears had become a reality. I told Scott, and we kept it to ourselves for a bit. I knew that I needed to see my doctor and let him try to listen and do an ultrasound to confirm. But it was a Friday night. It was no use to try to do that over the weekend and I wanted to see my doctor personally. I asked Scott not to tell anyone. I didn't want anyone to know until I was sure. First off, if you know me, you know that I don't like to make a spectacle of things. I'm usually pretty calm and I certainly don't like much to be made over ME! It embarrasses me. I knew that it wasn't definite, but in my gut I just thought it was gonna play out like the other two sad endings.
We prayed thru the weekend, and I had to confess to the Lord that I believed wholeheartedly He was a miracle worker, and very capable of making a heart beat, or stopping it for that matter! I can believe with confidence for others, but my confession would lie in the fact that, I didn't believe He would do that for me. I thought my story would end sadly. Still believing He was sovereign and in control, and good, but I am not the one who would receive the miracle.
We went to the doctor first thing Monday morning and told the doctor everything that had gone on. He decided to try to doppler first. He listened, and listened, and listened. And then...the most beautiful sound filled the room. A tiny little heartbeat whooshed. He let us listen for an unreasonably lengthy amount of time:)
The Lord was very near. You see, the truth is, no matter the outcome of that story, it didn't change who God is. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever! But He chose, in that moment to remind me tangibly that He is the Miracle Worker. That I am His and He cares about me. I truly believe that either He made Shepard's heart beat again, or He hid it from me to show me Himself through the whole journey. Either way, He reminded me that He truly knows my every need. That He hears my every cry. That He is worthy of my praise.
Again, no one really knew about this story, but I felt like it would be a great thing to write down, so that I could tell our little Shep just one more reason he is so very special:) I don't like to draw attention to myself, but at this point I think that it is the Lord who can be made much of;)

What's up...

Hello long lost blogging friends!! It has been quite some time, so I thought I'd take just a minute to update:) Lots of things have obviously taken place since I blogged like a bajillion years ago!! The biggest of which, is the rapidly approaching arrival of our fourth baby:) We are naming him Shepard Jonathan, and my other children already endearingly call him "Shep":) I am 26 weeks preggo and am honestly living life like I'm not gonna have a baby in my arms in less than 10 weeks most likely! We were not anticipating having number 4, but the Lord had different plans for us! So, because of my lack of planning for more children, I subsequently gave away every baby item, every piece of maternity clothing, baby toy...etc. away. All we had was our crib, which a few days before we found out we were expecting, had offered to give to another couple who was expecting their first baby! I had to take that offer off the table:/ I believe wholeheartedly that the Lord will provide for all our needs. It's just feels so crazy to be in this position!
As far as my pregnancy goes, it has followed suit like the others. Same song, different verse:) I'm contracting like a champion, so I have to take it super easy, which is kind of a ridiculous statement with a husband and children ages 3, 5, and 7:) We are hoping to avoid bedrest this time around. The odds are not likely, but we can still hope, right? You can pray with us that our sweet boy will stay inside until his appointed day of arrival, and that he will be healthy and strong and full of life at that time! In the meantime, I am gonna try to get my act together and start getting some things for this baby so we'll be ready for him when he gets here!
Until next time...

Long, long time...

It has been quite the blogging break! I just realized, too, that the picture at the top is from Easter, count it, 2 YEARS AGO! Yes. The blog is in need of an overhaul;) Our desktop has a virus, so uploading pics is impossible until it is fixed. We have internet on our laptops too, but I really just don't want to bore all of you with just words and no fun pics!
In the meantime, I will try to do better at keeping this thing a little more current. Since my last post, Paige has turned 7! We now have a 7, 5, and 3 year old. Unbelievable. I have had more drama with my problematic tooth. The stomach bug hit our house and took names, causing Annalee to spend a little time in the hospital. Spring break came and went, but was gloriously beautiful at the beach! And now, I am counting down the days until my paige gets out of school! Well...and Scott too! I heart summer:)
So, until next time, which will hopefully be soon!

Our Son Arrives...

*Today is my baby's 3rd birthday!! This was the post on the actual day of his birth! I can't believe it's already been 3 years! *

I can't go into a great deal of detail yet but the pictures will do a little bit to describe one of the most amazing days of our lives. We had Davis Grey Parks at 5:15 on Febraury 11th and he was 7 pounds and 20 inches long. I say this with a great deal of joy in that I delivered our child. I'll go into more detail when we come home on Wednesday but for now here's a taste of Davis.

Firsts...

I experienced a first today with having a little boy. We were in the carpool today waiting to pick up Paige, and Davis had to go potty. Thankfully he just had to tee tee, but at this point there's not alot we can do about that sans letting him pee outside with everyone giving you the stink eye! So...I search the van for something he can pee in. The only thing I can find is a few ziploc bags. So...yep. I let him pee in a ziploc bag, triple bagged it, and threw it in the nearest garbage can! Gross, I know, but we had to do what we had to do! Don't judge me.

Making a comeback...

I know...I know.... I've been missing for quite some time. I took a little sabbatical, and our computer is not reading our memory card so I need an external card reader that Scott always has with him! I have lots of pics that I want to post;) We are doing well. After our bout of sickness we have really tried to stay well. I am running the marathon in New Orleans this Sunday and I am praying that we all stay well because my parents will be keeping my little ones. I can't even believe all of the bugs that are flying around right now! It is a miracle in and of itself that we have not gotten anything else. So, plese pray with us that the Lord would keep us healthy! Annalee is staying home with me this semester, and I have REALLY enjoyed her being here:) She is a really fun little girl! She will be starting kindergarten next year (what?!), so I am really cherishing having her with me:) Davis will be turning 3 this week, and Paige will be turning 7 next week! EEEEEEK!!! This is all going by way too fast! I enjoy, by God's grace, being a mother. I am sinful, and I mess up ALOT! But, it really is a gift from the Lord. He is really kind to allow me to experience motherhood and see Him in a greater perspective.