Sunday, November 3, 2013

Hearing Him

This summer I walked through a bible study that challenged me to partially fast from different areas in life (i.e. food, media, possessions, etc.).  Subsequently, when I spent less time focused on some of these areas, the Lord's still small voice was suddenly a giant roar!  He met me, right where I was.  It was so very personal.  So refreshing.  It was such a gift.  I needed Him desperately.  In the midst of this intimate time with Him, He revealed something I was not quite ready for...

I had been spending time studying some different verses on obedience and at that time was fasting from some of my possessions and purging.  During my time with Him that week, I felt the Lord urging me to consider having another baby.  My first reaction..."No."  Lord do you realize how many kids we have? That is just plain crazy.  I can't.  I cannot.  So, each day, He laid it before me again.  He gave me more as time went on.  But it wasn't necessarily what I wanted to hear.  My mom was sick, but at that point in time, was still managing ok and we were still on track to travel back and forth to MD Anderson.  However, I knew she would likely not meet a new baby. I just could not even go there.

The Lord was clear that this baby was to be a sign of hope and healing.  He was clear about the fact that He wanted me to obey.  I just could not do it.  After weeks of battling back and forth with Him, I told Scott what was going on and asked him to pray as well.  At this point, I was still taking my pill  (Like I have control ;) )  I was begging the Lord, that if I was hearing Him, to please give me a clear sign.  Like, write it in the flippin' sky kind of sign!  And simultaneously asking Him to give me clarity if I was somehow not hearing His voice.  To make me aware that I am wrong, and I was gonna be A-ok with that!

About a week later, I woke up in the middle of the night, and it was as if the Lord was sitting in the room with me saying. "Annie, why are you choosing not to obey?  I don't need you, but I am giving you the opportunity to surrender and obey and be a part of this miracle.  Why are you choosing not to obey?"  Uhhhhh....I was a little dumbfounded, but still unwilling to trust Him.  I told Scott the next evening about what happened and he said that he thought I should stop taking my pill out of obedience.  So I didn't take it.  Well, that night I woke up in a blind panic about what I was gonna do if my mom got sicker?  How was I gonna travel back and forth to MD Anderson on bed rest?  What would I do if she needed me to take care of her and I couldn't???  So I decided I would take the pill I missed first thing in the mooring, catch up that night and that would be that.

Fastforward to the next morning.  I get up pop the pill out of the package, it shoots up into the air and then goes straight.down.the.drain.  It didn't even bounce. Never hit the side.   Straight down.  Gone.  Sigh.  Ok, Lord.  I see the sign. Ok.

So, about two weeks later, a positive pregnancy test it was!  Unreal.  This is really happening.  We are gonna have 5 kids.  5!  We have officially stepped over the line right into crazy, and are trusting the Lord with every breath.  I am currently 14 weeks along and am due May 2, 2014.  The Lord has given us specific first names which is Hope for a girl and Judah for a boy, meaning faith.  We find out the gender in about 2 weeks and are looking forward to it!  So, please be in prayer as we continue on our journey!