Little Known Things...

I decided to share a little known thing about our newest upcoming addition, Shepard. He is a gift. He is a miracle. And I know you're thinking, "well sure! All babies are!" That is absolutely true. But our little Shep will have a story that has a little slant to it:)
First off, this little blessing was a certain surprise! We thought we were done and were actually moving forward in life, with our three growing and changing. It was actually much easier to go places and do things. Everyone was potty trained and slept in their own bed. We didn't have to pack up a u-haul to stay overnight somewhere. You know...easier:)
Well, when I found out I was expecting #4, it took me a little while to settle into the idea. But always in the back of my mind, was the fear of miscarriage and losing this little one. It has happened a couple of times before right at the end my my first trimester, and it is so devastating! You don't realize how much you dream about that little life until it is no longer. So, I was skeptical about the same thing happening, obviously.
When I was about 10 weeks along, I borrowed a doppler from a friend, to try to find the heartbeat. That is early, and I know that a baby can be difficult to track down at that gestation, but I've been able to do it in every other pregnancy at that time, so I didn't think this time would be any different. But it was different. I couldn't find that precious heartbeat. I listened, and listened, and listened. For almost an hour, I searched. I was so heartbroken. My fears had become a reality. I told Scott, and we kept it to ourselves for a bit. I knew that I needed to see my doctor and let him try to listen and do an ultrasound to confirm. But it was a Friday night. It was no use to try to do that over the weekend and I wanted to see my doctor personally. I asked Scott not to tell anyone. I didn't want anyone to know until I was sure. First off, if you know me, you know that I don't like to make a spectacle of things. I'm usually pretty calm and I certainly don't like much to be made over ME! It embarrasses me. I knew that it wasn't definite, but in my gut I just thought it was gonna play out like the other two sad endings.
We prayed thru the weekend, and I had to confess to the Lord that I believed wholeheartedly He was a miracle worker, and very capable of making a heart beat, or stopping it for that matter! I can believe with confidence for others, but my confession would lie in the fact that, I didn't believe He would do that for me. I thought my story would end sadly. Still believing He was sovereign and in control, and good, but I am not the one who would receive the miracle.
We went to the doctor first thing Monday morning and told the doctor everything that had gone on. He decided to try to doppler first. He listened, and listened, and listened. And then...the most beautiful sound filled the room. A tiny little heartbeat whooshed. He let us listen for an unreasonably lengthy amount of time:)
The Lord was very near. You see, the truth is, no matter the outcome of that story, it didn't change who God is. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever! But He chose, in that moment to remind me tangibly that He is the Miracle Worker. That I am His and He cares about me. I truly believe that either He made Shepard's heart beat again, or He hid it from me to show me Himself through the whole journey. Either way, He reminded me that He truly knows my every need. That He hears my every cry. That He is worthy of my praise.
Again, no one really knew about this story, but I felt like it would be a great thing to write down, so that I could tell our little Shep just one more reason he is so very special:) I don't like to draw attention to myself, but at this point I think that it is the Lord who can be made much of;)